My crazy startled my groggy pal awake and my long face signaled I needed to talk.
I confessed over our coffee that the new year freaks me out and that I’m not one of those people who gets excited about ‘new beginnings’ and ‘fresh starts.’ Nope. I’m one of those people who ruminates on all of the stuff that didn’t happen in the previous year.
Later on that evening my girl’s husband invited us over for a vision board party.
But. This wasn’t your regular visioning party. He kept it manly, so there were no magazines, poster board and glue sticks. I’m always impressed by the men who “do”, but who also reflect on their lives, so I didn’t even complain that my board wouldn’t be a crafty master piece this year. We were given a big ole piece of paper and a magic marker.
Thinking about it now, it was really more of a reflection board party. We pulled up the questions from Happy Black Woman’s Annual review and we all got to writing and discussing what worked, didn’t work in 2013 and what we wanted for ourselves and our souls in 2014. Like I mentioned the other day, we hard some hard times trying to figure out our achievements from the year.
Next, we used The Reinvention Project’s Circle of Life worksheet to find out the areas of our lives that were out of balance and picked some themes for 2014. (My themes are connection and engagement).
Then we got to ‘reflecting boarding.’
I didn’t journal or reflect much in 2013. I couldn’t bring myself to confront myself. But. Anyway. The reflecting board party prompted me to pull out my old journals and see what I’ve said to myself previously on the new day of the new year. I wanted to see if I felt so angsty on every New Year. And yup. I have.
(<— just a few of my journals) :-/
I looked at 12 years of books. Reading my old entries, it was interesting to see the things and men that once, but no longer, dominated those pages. To see my spiritual journey grow, halt, and restart. I learned I’m wrong, more times than I want to admit, and that isht is humbling as hell. I balked at the list of things that I’ve asked for, worked for and received, only to discover I didn’t really want them. On the flip, I was happy to discover I captured my progressions and not just pains.
My take away from all of that reflecting and re-reading is this: It all comes together. There is something to be gained by looking at your life. And, if something keeps recurring it probably means it’s not over or healed just yet.